What Makes a Person
As of late, family has been a core issue I took interest in. Exactly how much did family play a role in shaping a person's psyche I did not know, but ever since my network of people I knew grew after attending college, it became clearer to me that the influence family had on a person was indeed profound.
Jess, though he was one of my oldest friends, was an elusive person. Perhaps it was the way he talked, how he never gave away too many details when he told a story. It always left people hanging onto for more, eager to listen to him talk further, to give away more details. Jess, a careful person, kept details of his life close to himself and protected them by deflecting prying questions. I admit I used this opportunity to pry his life, to open a window into his life that no one else could. So Jess I decided was my candidate for my interview.
His military training meant our interview had to be conducted on the phone. I knew him well which meant I could catch things like the slight pauses in his words, which was his attempt to leave certain things concealed, or answering offhandedly to deliberately evade a question. Things that might have otherwise escaped others. What I was interested the most was the relationship between him and his father so I began by asking about his experience working at his father's factory.
"Do you remember the first day you went to your father's factory?" I asked.
"No, the first time I was very young. He took me there countless times throughout my life." He pondered as he sifted through his memories.
"Do you think your father wanted you to get attached to it as though your own?"
"I'm not sure. Maybe. I'm not sure even now if I want to follow his footsteps. Maybe I do, maybe I tell everyone I don't just because. I think deep inside I do but I'm not even sure about that." He gave a deep sigh into the mouth of the phone.
I took to understand this factory as an important connection between him and his father so I pressed for more. His most vivid memory during the times at the factory were the weekly trips he paid to visit the immigrant workers working at the factory. His father took Jess every weekend to shop for groceries to take to the workers. Jess would point out to an item in one isle and say let's bring this and point at another and by the end of these weekly shopping trips, the carts always filled up full to the brim. After growing up hearing racial slurs and the ridicules of immigrant workers, I was also well aware of the harsh working environments of immigrant workers in Korea. It interested me knowing that Jess grew up seeing the workers at his father's factory in no such conditions but rather as a place complete with even massage chairs.
"Do you remember any one person in particular?"
"Oh! There was a man from Nepal. I liked him a lot. When I worked there (at the factory) briefly before going to college, we talked a lot and we became friends. It was an odd experience. We became Facebook friends too." Jess paused as he reminisced this piece of friendship. "He had such a kind face. Always smiling. He helped me out every time I was having difficulty working. Moving things that were too heavy and things like that."
I could tell working at the factory had been a memorable experience for him. Jess talked about his dad quite often, from which I assumed he was closer to his father than his mother. I asked him directly if he felt more emotionally close to his father.
"No, I'm closer to my mother," he replied flatly. "My father is someone I admire. He's always worked hard and never slacked a day in his life. He's successful and I always want to be like him but he was stern with me when I was a child. It's probably why I feel more emotionally close to my mother."
Growing up, Jess remembered his father mostly as a stern man. His father, who was conservative, did not allow him to do many things like dye his hair, play games or stay out for too long. A lot changed the minute Jess hit the age of 19 but it also explained a lot why Jess was quite conservative himself. Jess was also the youngest member of his family. The gap of age difference between him and the rest of his family members brought easy adoration towards Jess. Jess, perhaps because of this, always had the air of someone who was well cared for and loved.
I had also always felt the difference in personality between Jess and I. He was used to being cared for by the people around him, while I was used to doing things for myself without asking for help. The natural adoration he received, I found, allowed him to become someone generous and giving and rather exceptionally acute to other's needs and emotions.
The way Jess described his father's character made me realize how much Jess was like his father than he realized. They were both capable of remaining calm no matter the situation, they were both confident but not proud, they both were conservative on certain matters, and they were warm and kind towards people but detached and ruthless if a clear-cut decision had to be made. I suggested their alikeness and his nonchalant reaction made me think he would have simply shrugged had he been in front of me.
Though this interview was initially arranged as part of schoolwork, I found myself becoming more and more immersed as Jess told me about his life. He was someone I was genuinely interested in knowing and my curiosity that accumulated during the time that I've known him made me keenly question him more for details. I've always found it interesting how a person is shaped by their family and my experience from this interview made me realize just how much influence family can have on an individual.
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