Blue Island in Mawlamyaing in My Mind
I would really love to visit Blue Island where my grandparent and aunt live in. The place is far from the bustling city and getting there is already part of the adventure. One can take the tunnel or drive but whichever way you take when one arrives in the island, it's like being transported in time. There is that feeling of de`javu one gets when you see the heart of the island for the first time. Maybe it is because of the old films that featured the lots of pagodas. The place is filled with old buildings, structures and lots of pagodas that remind us of how Myanmar people might have enjoyed the Buddhism.
The place is like a giant traditional ancient place without the technologically advanced tools. It offers pure delight and tons of fun. It is a place where everyone is invited to enjoy the sights and sounds of the place and peaceful of the world.
The whole island is lots of monastery with pagodas and meditation places. The smell of natural bamboo from forest and the sound of triangular brass gong as one walks along the streets in dawn reminds us of simple days when our wants and desires were simpler. The people are friendly and in keeping with the religion works are always ready to make your visit to the island worth remembering. When one strolls around the commercial center, one can do so leisurely without the need to see everything, to make feel relieved everything and taste natural environment in one day, one keeps coming back to Island because it is removed from the hurried, impersonal and rudeness of the city.
In winter, the place is like a giant ice kingdom, where everything is glistening white and silent. During this time, people who are living there do rarely go outside because of cold breezing. Sadly, not many people visit Blue Island these days because of difficult transportation.
201502643 Lee Ji Won
ReplyDeleteI’m not quite sure if you’ve ever been to Blue Island or not but I loved your writing since you really conveyed the mood of the place well. Also you added significant details so that I could imagine Blue Island clearly. What I liked most about your essay is that you showed the atmosphere of Blue Island, not by directly telling that it’s peaceful but by writing some sentences such as “it’s like being transported in time,” or “reminds us of simple days when our wants and desires were simpler.” After reading your writing, it just appealed to me that the atmosphere of Blue Island is so peaceful and calm. Plus, you used many different senses of sight, sound and smell though there wasn’t any senses of taste or touch. Especially, I liked the description which is “The smell of natural bamboo from forest” and “the sound of triangular brass gong (I’m not sure but is it like a traditional musical instrument?) as one walks along the streets.” The part I was confused was the sentence “in keeping with the religion works.” Did you mean like praying to the Buddha? It would be better if you make this sentence more clearly. In addition to that, I want to suggest you to try personification and add the senses of taste or touch to improve your essay. I believe you chose to write about Blue Island since you would love to go there and I also became curious about this place! I enjoyed your writing.
Even from the first paragraph, it was so easy to visualize the place in your essay. The place you chose is very specific in the sense that it is known to many people and I think that's what helps with visualization. You don't have a lot of details but you use strong vocabulary instead and I think in a way it better suits your essay. Due to the fact that you chose an island, rather than writing about every detail, you perfectly captured the essence of the place with a few words such as adventure or pagodas. Although, you could have spent just a little bit of time on how the tunnels and such made it feel like an adventure. This is where you could have used sense of hearing or touch because you felt like you were transported. You did not get all the senses but the senses that you did include makes up for the missing ones, particularly your sense of sight. I liked 'The smell of natural bamboo from forest and the sound of triangular brass gong as one walks along the streets in dawn' because it encompasses three senses in one sentence. It is an excellent sentence. Based your on essay, I would say the mood of the island gives of a feeling of nostalgia and admiration because you spent time describing how it feels familiar and reminds you of history. I suppose you chose to write about this place because your family members are still living there and so as a child perhaps you visited this place often. Not to mention that it partly represents the history of your country. I think you have the detail part of your essay down but to further enhance it, you could touch up on a few grammar errors such as 'cold breezing'.
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