The Piano Woman
"CLINK-"
The elevator stopped at the third floor.
As I make a step forward, the sound of the piano swelled and filled my ears.
When I opened the white colored wooden door, she was sitting there.
There was the wide velvet platform at the end of the hall. The black grand piano was on the middle of the platform. There were 5 small rooms either side of the hall, each had a piano. Some of the rooms were occupied. In front of the platform, there were wide low pastel-toned desks and lots of small chairs. Kids were sitting and solving some questions on the book. She was sitting on the chair which is on the platform, beside the grand piano. Her eyes were locked on her own desk.
My mother was a professional piano teacher. She worked at an art academy as a captain of the classical piano part. The institute had quite a lot of students and most of them were children. I also went to the academy every day in my childhood, after the kindergarten was over; as time goes by, the school was over. She worked for a long time, almost 18 years.
Students took a lesson one by one, at the grand piano. They stood in a line waiting for their turn. When a student sit on a piano stool and open the page, she only said two words. "Play it." Sometimes it sounded dry and frightening, and sometimes it felt mild. She didn't act irritable or short tempered, but she had charisma.
And sometimes when a child muddled up the score, she carefully pointed each notes. After the lesson, she checked the student's amount of practice through the paper card. If she drew circles on their own practice card, students colored the circles one by one as they practiced. Also beginners must had to do some basic workbooks; about the piano, chord, musical symbols, etc. She also had to check the answers of them. She constantly repeated this routine all day.
At the peak time, she had to do all those things at once. She checked the workbook with hands and eyes, listening the notes through ears. My mother taught more than 60 children because the other teachers could not handle more than 30 students. I remember that she rarely let the coffee out of her hands. She took it 4 or 5 cups a day. Also she had no time to have a break, usually let me go to near bakery and buy some vegetable sandwiches. Passing the rush hour, I took a lesson from her and she ate those sandwiches.
After the work on the way back home, we walked hand in hand continuing a talk. And at the house, she started housework; vacuum a house, clean up the room, do the laundry. Of course she did it perfectly. She was ultimate in everything. Now I know how hard it is and respect her sincerely.
I really love your writing, and the part where your mother literally says "Play it" was my favorite part! I used to have piano lessons before as well... and that part reminded me of it haha. I personally thought that it would make your mother sound much more alive if you mentioned the level of proficiency somehow in the second to last paragraph. I could understand that she was a very talented teacher - maybe you should elaborate on it. I loved the introduction, and how you brought the readers in through the sound of the elevator stopping. It automatically made me paint the picture in my mind. You used past tense throughout, and I did not notice any changes in tense that made your writing difficult to understand.
ReplyDeleteI found it very difficult to find a specific word to describe your mother's character - which I think was your intention. She seems like a strict and charismatic, yet kind teacher all at the same time. The part where she speaks made me choose these words to describe your mother. where she points out the parts where the child messes up on "carefully", as well as the part where you mention how your mother never left the coffee off her hands. I got the impression that you described your mother as a teacher, rather than a mother, on purpose, which I loved a lot. If this was not your intention, however, I think it might help to add on to the last paragraph, where you talk about your mother as a mother back at home.
DeleteI did not have a problem with the organization of your essay, considering how this essay was supposed to describe someone. The paragraphs seemed appropriately cut where the ideas divided.
I think it might help as well if you talked about what your mother looked like a little more in detail, and maybe what other people said about your mother. Since you depict her as a teacher, I think it might be okay to give a comment from one of her students.
I thought you chose your mother in particular because you had a very strong picture of her in your mind. My questions for your next draft would be what she looked like, and what others said about her.
201501855 Jung Aa Ahn
The Piano Woman
ReplyDelete“CLINK-“
The elevator stopped at the third floor.
As I make a step forward, the sound of the piano swelled and filled my ears.
When I opened the white colored wooden door, she was sitting there.
There was the wide velvet platform at the end of the hall. The black grand piano was on the center of the platform. There were 5 small rooms each side of the hall, which had a piano. Some of the rooms were occupied. In front of the platform, there were pastel-toned wide and low desks and lots of small chairs. Kids were sitting and solving some questions on the book. She was sitting on the other chair which is on the platform, beside the grand piano. Her eyes were locked on her own desk.
My mother was a piano teacher. She worked at an art academy and she was a captain of the classical piano part. The institute had quite many students and most of them were children. I also went to that academy every day in my childhood, after the kindergarten was over; as time goes by, after the school. She worked there for a long time, almost 18 years and she was a professional.
There was a class routine. First, students took a lesson one by one, at the grand piano. They stood in a line waiting for their turn. When a student sit on a piano stool and open the page, she only said two words. “Play it.” Sometimes it sounded dry and frightening, and sometimes it felt mild. Sometimes when a child muddled up the score, she pointed each detailed notes. She didn’t act irritable or short tempered but she had her own charisma. And therefore even the students do not learn the piano called her “the scariest teacher on third floor”, rather than head teacher.
After the lesson, she drew circles on students’ own practice card. She checked the student’s amount of practice through that paper card. They colored the circles one by one as they practiced. Secondly, beginners must have had to do some basic workbooks; about the piano, chord, musical symbols, etc. She also had to check the answers of them. She constantly repeated these things all day.
At the peak time, she had to do all actions at once. She checked the workbook with hands and eyes, listened the notes through ears and checked if the student is missing the notes. My mother taught more than 60 children, because the other teachers could not handle more than 30 students. I can remember that she rarely let the coffee out of her hands. She took it 4 or 5 cups a day. Also she had no time to have a break, so usually let me go to near bakery and buy some vegetable sandwiches. Passing the rush hour, I took a lesson from her and she ate those sandwiches.
After the work on the way back home, we walked hand in hand continuing a talk. And at the house, she started housework; vacuumed a house, cleaned up the room, did the laundry. Of course she did it perfectly and usually slept at daybreak. She was ultimate in everything. Now I live far apart from her and I got to know how hard it is. I respect her sincerely and want to say her, “Thank you for your effort, you did it greatly.”