His hair gently flows back as light, autumn wind swish past. The wind brings his scent to the back seat of the bike, where I'm sitting. He hums a familiar melody as he pedals forward. He turns around from time to time to check if I am okay. I insisted that we stop and maybe take a break but he confidently reassures me that he can ride 10 miles longer.
However, the bike slows down soon and he turns back to give me an awkward and embarrassed smile. As he parks the bike to the side, he sarcastically says again that he's not tired at all and that he just wants to stop and share the view with me. He sinks back on to the grass without hesitation and closed his eyes. There is always a gentle smile on his face even when he's tired, angry or depressed. After 24 years of smiling 24 hours every day, the corner of his mouth now even seems to be fixed in a smiling-position. He lies there a couple seconds longer and rolls back to lie on his face. He does not seem to mind ruining his clothes or getting dirt on his hair. I slightly slapped his back and told him that he will ruin his coat but he shook his head and sticked his tongue out like a 7-year-old.
I jumped back to my feet and stumped fast to the direction we just came from, and I could immediately hear urgent footsteps behind me and with an "I'm kidding!" in a childlike voice. It's been over a year since I knew him but he always acts the same way whenever I pretend to be mad at him. It is exactly like teasing my younger cousin. His footsteps come closer and soon he sticks in his face in front of mine with a wide smile. And we walk back again to the gentle breeze.
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ReplyDeleteI would say that this person in your essay is like the sunshine to you. The warm and delightful atmosphere of the two of you is shown throughout the writing. Also the part that you compared the person with a seven year old kid was impressive to add on to the whole atmosphere, and the detail that he looks like he is smiling 24 hours everyday does it, too. There wasn't any detail that I did not understand. I think you described this person because he is such a dear friend of you, but it would have been better if you provided some more detailed description of the person himself. Maybe from his face to any special things that you can only see in him would make your writing even more rich.
ReplyDelete201503676 Hong Chae-ryoung
Your character sketch was very interesting to read - it made me easy to picture this person you seem to very fond of. Perhaps more anecdotes or descriptions on his character may make this piece more whole? The writing overall seems very relaxing and illustrative! It was a delight to read.
ReplyDeleteIn your writing, I can easily guess how sweet he is. Through the sentences like 'After 24 years of smiling 24 hours every day, the corner of his mouth now even seems to be fixed in a smiling-position.', or ' I jumped back to my feet and stumped fast to the direction we just came from, and I could immediately hear urgent footsteps behind me and with an "I'm kidding!" in a childlike voice.', further I can infer personality not only external things. However, I need more detailed information about your boyfriend. As I mentioned, it is for a day description, it is better to add some more information like what he was, his habit or something.
ReplyDelete201501670 chaeyoung son