My friend's name is Elsa. This is more like her nickname, though. She prefers to be called Elsa because her real name is quite long and has many words. I met her when I was in 11th grade, in 2013. This is the year that Frozen came out, so I always liked to joke about her name. When she and I were both in a bathroom, I would knock on a door and say, "do you wanna build a snowman?" She always laughed when I did it. She had brown wavy shoulder-long hair. She was from Malaysia, but she almost did not look Asian. Her eyes were big and round, with double eyelids and long eyelashes. She was short- she was the second shortest person in our grade, but it fit her because she was cute. She had a really nice smile, and a laugh that sounded like chimes.
She was very energetic. She was part of the cheerleading team in 10th grade, but quit in 11th grade to focus on studying. She enjoyed playing sports, although she was not very good at them. She was smart too. All the teachers loved her, because she was smart and polite. It sounds almost unreal when I describe her like this, but she was literally good at every subject. She did well in science, English, French, Economics, and math (but this was the only subject I was better than her at). She loved listening to K-pop. There were two boy bands that she especially liked- EXO and BTS. So I bought her a K-pop album for her birthday, and she almost cried. She was also very kind. She's probably the nicest person I have ever met so far. She laughed a lot. Even the small things would make her laugh out loud, and her friends' jokes never failed to make her laugh. All these characteristics made her really popular. I have not met one person who didn't like her.
There is one incident which made me realize what a good reputation she had among the people who knew her. She had a boyfriend, and another one of my friend told me that there was a girl from another grade who had a crush on him. However, the girl decided to give up on her crush after she heard who his girlfriend was. I guess she knew that she was no match for Elsa. It was a funny story, but it surprised me almost as much. Sometimes Elsa makes me wonder if she is a real person, because I couldn't find one flaw in her.
Since we were close friends, after graduation, she promised to visit me in 10 years. Although we don't really keep in touch anymore, I am hoping that this promise will be kept.
To sum up the person you described, it seems like that your friend Elsa is a perfect girl being respected and loved by all of your classmates or teachers. Through the sentences such as ‘Sometimes Elsa makes me wonder if she is a real person, because I couldn’t find one flaw in her.’, ‘All the teachers loved her, because she was smart and polite.’, and ‘It sounds almost unreal when I describe her like this, but she was literally good at every subject.’, I thought like that. You described what the person looks like and what the person does well by writing ‘She had brown wavy shoulder-long hair’ and ‘She always laughed when I did it. However, there are no description of what the person says and what other people say about the person. And I couldn’t understand why you and Elsa don’t really keep in touch anymore, because both of you were very close in high school. In my opinion, you chose to describe this person because this person really impressed you by her appearance and characteristics in your life. Also, it might be the reason that you were a close friend with her. As I mentioned earlier, I would like to know the specific reason for not keeping in touch anymore each other.
ReplyDelete201502384 LeeSooKyung
201502643 Lee JiWon
ReplyDeleteBased on your writing, I thought Elsa is like jack-of-all-trades. As you described, she was a good cheerleading member and she was a smart student whom all of the teachers loved and also kind and the nicest person that you’ve ever met. I also felt she’s almost unreal! You described her appearance such as her eyes, hair and height and also described what she did such as cheerleading and listening to music. However, there isn’t any sentence about what Elsa said and what other people say about Elsa. Adding both of these two things would make your writing more interesting and the readers would be able to know more about Elsa’s character. Since I saw the movie Frozen, I could understand what you meant when you mentioned “This is the year that Frozen came out,...”, but maybe those who didn’t watch the movie or don’t know about the movie could get confused. And for the same reason, I think it’s better to mention it is a song from the movie Frozen about the line that goes into “Do you wanna build a snowman?” I think you chose to describe Elsa as she was one of your close friends and you miss her. As I mentioned above, I suggest you to write what Elsa said and what other people say about her. Plus, I want to know the reason why you and Elsa don’t keep in touch anymore.
In your writing, I can easily guess Elsa was the heartthrob in your school. Through the sentences like 'All the teachers loved her, because she was smart and polite.', 'Even the small things would make her laugh out loud, and her friends' jokes never failed to make her laugh.' or 'However, the girl decided to give up on her crush after she heard who his girlfriend was.', I can see others' view and objective evaluation on her at the same time. 'Sometimes Elsa makes me wonder if she is a real person, because I couldn't find one flaw in her.' or 'It sounds almost unreal when I describe her like this, but she was literally good at every subject.', in those sentences, my imagination conjured up a scene of your view. However,I think it will be better to put the exact figure in 'She did well in science, English, French, Economics, and math (but this was the only subject I was better than her at)', for example, she was fifth in your school or she scored 98% in the French test. As I mentioned earlier, I propose to add explanation. But be taken altogether, your writing is flawless.
ReplyDelete201501670 chaeyoung son